Ants Running

Tick, tock, says the clock. And yet, here I sit, not wanting to go. I have realized (actually I realized this today as I was waiting for a scene change) that time really is nonexistent. We have, over the last 100 years, increased our life spans to twice what it was, and yet we are still just like little ants, running around with no where to go, trying to get things finished. We have our 24 hours days, and even that isn't solid, as proven by Friday, the 29th, of this month, an extra day for the extra minutes that add up over four years. Anyhow, that's my deep thought for tonight.

Today, like I mentioned earlier, I was taking part in a play. Actually, the musical, Crazy for You, being put on by my school. It was a matinee for elementary/ middle schoolers. I remember as a kid, I loved watching the older kids in the plays. I was so fascinated by every single character, and I wished that I could be up there. Now, finally, after three years of doing behind the scene things such as set construction, makeup, and last year's stage crew, I am now one of the actors. Theatre has become part of who I am, and although I will be going on to bigger things than high school shows in college, I will miss these days. I hope that everyone, those who read this, and even those who don't, can take what time they do have, and make the most of it. I hope that somehow we can find where we are going, and make memories along the way, and not end up like ants running without a purpose.

Life

Well, this is life. A mish-mash of feelings, experiences, and memories. Now what do we do with it all? We can't just throw away something that is so beautiful and so amazing! It may get a little messy at times, but that is no reason to lose ourselves in the cacophony. On the contrary, when we are caught in this seemingly endless mess, we need to stop, and look at what beauty there really is in this muddle. Is a field of flowers organized? Are mountains symmetrical? Do the oceans wave to the same tune every day? No. But does that make them less beautiful? And why should this not apply to our lives? They may not line up quite the way we want them to, taking unexpected curves, and changing without notice, but maybe we need to see the virtue in what we have instead of chaining ourselves to walls that will eventually be removed anyhow. Maybe we should live the lives we have, and not hide, hoping they get better.

Big world, Small me.

High school has been great. And yet, after this year, it will be time to move on. How can it be done? It feels like I was just a freshman, learning the ropes of a new school. And now I'm leaving. It passes so fast. 

Just about everyone is asking me where I'm going after I'm done, what I'm doing, etc., and in case that question was on your mind, here's the answer: I don't know. I would like to go to UNC (University of Northern Colorado), and I got my acceptance letter just the other day from there, but I don't know. I feel so small looking out on a decision like this. Like I just shrank twenty sizes and can barely see past the end of my nose, let alone into my future to see where I should go to school. In times like these, it makes me glad to have a great big God that will show me where I'm going.

That's another thing: I have been holding a bible study/conversation starter at a local coffee shop on Wednesday mornings. I have taught myself some things, as well as hopefully touching at least some of the five people that have showed up. That's one goal in my life: to make a difference in someone else's life. Sometimes I feel small and insignificant, and I feel like if only I could even make a small impression on one person, I would have accomplished something. 

Which is another point to my writing. As I said before, I love to write. Sometimes to just get out feelings, and sometimes see feelings on others faces. Whether it is laughter or tears, if someone is touched by something I write, I feel like it was worth writing. 

So now I, as a senior in high school going into the big world, will write and live as if I were here to change someone's life, and maybe someone somewhere actually will be changed.

First of all...

I love to write. It's how all of my emotions come out, and how I relate to the world. I also love music; making music, and listening to it. My life is a piece of artwork that isn't even halfway done yet. There is a world out there for me to explore and figure out, and somehow I will attempt to capture it and press it into paper. So here I go!